Are You Dissociating? 18 Specific Descriptions of Dissociative Symptoms

"All that we see or seem /

Is but a dream within a dream."

Edgar Allan Poe

If you have ever traveled alone in a country very different from your homeland, then you have likely experienced dissociative symptoms.

Being the only foreigner in a crowded square filled with the sounds of an unknown language and the smells and sights of a strange culture could trigger dissociative symptoms in anyone.

I chose this picture because - after two years of martial law and lockdown during COVID in China - strolling through the nearly empty Harbin Snow and Ice World, with its massive ice sculptures of Notre Dame and the Taj Mahal, felt almost like tripping.

Psychiatry recognizes a state called "Paris syndrome," a condition of severe cultural shock typically experienced by Asian tourists in France, which I believe is brought on by sudden dissociative symptoms. People suffering from this condition may believe that there is a conspiracy against them; that they are being tracked; that they are being subjected to racist treatment; or that they are in a dream / hallucination.

I've had similar experiences at several points during my years in China (cue CCP surveillance joke), and I know that other expats have, as well.

Introduction

When you look up the definitions of dissociative symptoms like derealization and

depersonalization in medical resources, you'll more often than not find vague language like "feeling detached / disconnected from yourself," "being cut off from your thoughts and feelings," or "experiencing unpredictable shifts in identity."

The essence of dissociation is feeling numb, detached, unreal.

The issue with this sort of generic language is that it doesn't do much to differentiate dissociative symptoms from other symptoms of anxiety / depression / personality disorders / psychosis / PTSD and other conditions that can involve dissociative symptoms and with which dissociative disorders can co-occur.

In the absence of more specific description, many people are left with the mistaken assumption that dissociation always involves dramatic amnesia or radical identity shifts of the type seen in the hotly contested Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

In fact, the lifetime prevalence of dissociative disorders is between 10 and 20%, which is shockingly high given how infrequently we talk about these symptoms and disorders.

Dissociation is a common response to abuse, trauma, and other stressors.

I suspect that people don't feel as comfortable discussing these symptoms because they may be perceived as "crazier" than anxiety or depression, for example.

I have a theory that dissociative symptoms are the "canary in the coalmine" for many serious psychological problems.

I also believe that digital technology, the stimuli-bombardment of the developed world, and the fact that modern humans live so much of our lives in the cerebral sphere may be responsible for a rise in dissociative symptoms.

The use of and withdrawal from many psychoactive substances can contribute to dissociative symptoms, as well.

Benzodiazepine withdrawal is absolutely notorious for causing severe derealization and depersonalization.

The combination of the two is disturbing beyond words. It's as though you've suddenly woken up to your life being a video game.

That might sound cool to some people. Until you've experienced it for 30 seconds, that is.

I've come up with several metaphors for explaining these symptoms, which I plan to write about in more detail in another post.

The best way that I can describe them in brief is actually not metaphorical at all.

I'm a lucid dreamer, although I frequently wake up as soon as I realize that I'm dreaming.

Dissociative symptoms feel almost exactly like that moment of becoming lucid during a dream.

All of a sudden, some element within me or present in my environment triggers my brain's "something isn't right" reflex.

For me, this often prompts a scan of my surroundings, which typically includes examining my own dream-body.

A dizzying moment of introspection follows as my brain realizes that its assumption that it was progressing through ordinary, waking reality was completely off-base.

This looking within as I become lucid often involves realizing that there are gaps in my memories or something else that doesn't jibe between what I'm seeing in my surroundings and what I expect to see based on my understanding of who and where I am.

Sometimes, I realize that I don't recognize any of the other people in a dream (although this doesn't always trigger lucidity for me). There is often an uncanny valley quality to their features when I examine them more closely, as well - as though my brain created their facial features by averaging the faces of actual people who I know.

At other times, I might recognize a setting that I've dreamt of before, notice that one of my scars is missing, or realize that the title of a book changes from one moment to the next.

Dissociation involves that same alien epiphany and that same take-off anxiety that I and other lucid dreamers feel as we jolt ourselves awake after realizing that we are dreaming (although with practice, it's possible to train oneself not to wake up immediately).

That underwater, vaguely intoxicated character of dreams is often present with dissociation, too. The texture of space and time shift just a little.

Sample Symptoms

I hadn't planned to write this post at this time, but while I was reviewing archives of an obscure 2000s forum for another post, I came across a list of dissociative symptoms that was much more specific and helpful than the ones that I'd seen in the past.

Unfortunately, there was no source attributed. If anyone knows where the following list came from, please let me know so that I can properly give credit.

Without further ado, you might be dissociating if you:

(1) Find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything

(2) Feel completely numb

(3) Feel like you're not really in your body, like you're watching yourself in a movie

(4) Feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy

(5) Lose the plot of the show or conversation that you were focused on

(6) Feel as if you're not quite real, as though you're in a dream

(7) Feel like you're floating

(8) Suddenly feel like you're not a part of the world around you

(9) Feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you

(10) Are very startled when something / someone gets your attention

(11) Completely forgot what you were thinking just a moment ago

(12) Suddenly cover your face or react as if you're about to be hurt for no reason

(13) Can't remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live

(14) Find yourself rocking back and forth

(15) Find yourself becoming very focused on a small or trivial event

(16) Find that voices, sounds, or writing seem far away, and you sometimes have trouble understanding them

(17) Feel as if you've just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can't remember anything about it

(18) Perceive your body as foreign or as not belonging to you

Questions

Has anyone never experienced any of the above?

Does anyone have an alternate way of describing their dissociative symptoms?

Have any of my recreational user / substance abuser / addict readers experienced flare-ups of dissociative symptoms that correlate with their substance intake?

Does anyone who has experienced persistent dissociative symptoms and / or a formally diagnosed dissociative disorder feel comfortable sharing what that is like?

This is a topic of great interest to me, and I appreciate anyone who is willing to share via comment or DM.